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[This time, the recording starts with a long, drawn out sigh. Then, surprisingly, it's still Merlin's voice that rattles off the voicemail in tones of long-suffering.]

Hello, you've reached King Arthur Pr--Pendragon. He isn't here to answer your call because he's incredibly important and busy. If you leave a message here with me, I'll make sure he gets it because I am a good servant--and friend-- [he adds the last bit in a rush, accompanied with a thwap!, an 'ow!' and an 'I heard that,' then forces the rest of the words out through gritted teeth] and will do anything my master asks of me.

[A couple seconds pass, then Merlin speaks again, this time sounding a bit further away, like he isn't speaking into the bracelet anymore.] There, happy now? If you ask me, the other one is still better-- Shut up, Merlin. It's time to do yours next. Wait, what --

[ click! ]

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[Scowling now.]

Who even does that any more?

If you don't answer, I'm asking Morgana to tell me the most embarrassing stories of your childhood she can think of.

[He'll do it. He swears!]

Arthur, you'll never guess, but Archimedes' made a new nest.

[Gee, that pillow Archimedes is roosting in looks awfully familiar, doesn't it? And so does the bed that the owl begins fluffing himself on seconds later.]

[Now he's at the hospital and on his break. Huzzah!]

Soooooo let me guess. The reason you're not answering is because you're already home and everyone's giving you an earful, right?

[Pointed look.]

...or you're not answering because you're still being a prat.

[Pause.] Not that you aren't already one normally--you're just being more of one than usual.

[Now that he knows you aren't planning on coming back...]

:(

It's supposed to be a frowning face.

:)

This is one is a smiling face.

[Lucky for you, Arthur, Merlin's already exhausted his supply of emoticons.]

I was serious about asking Morgana about your childhood, you know. She'd be more than happy to share.

If all your favourite food in the kitchen's gone when you return, it wasn't me.

What did you do to your chainmail? It's rusted in some places.

[So much disapproval. Also, he's actually polishing your armour out of boredom. Arthur, help.]

[...and a smarting pair of hands later.]

You left it in that condition on purpose, didn't you? I'm not cleaning it for you next time...

[Sulk. Sanding the rust out hurts, okay.]

[He's sitting on his bed now, a lot quieter now than he was in the previous messages.]

There's no one to hog the shower in our room. I think I might die of shock.

[aka you left and you suck.]

[ And here is Arthur, ten seconds after the last message, with his eyes closed - and two fingers rubbing circles against his temple. ]

Merlin.

[ Quiet, steady - the voice of you are in so much fucking trouble right now. ]

You should be fortunate to die of shock, considering I've spent the entirety of this time coming up with new and imaginative ways to murder you.

[ His eyes open with the last two words. He is glaring so hard but here, have a smile. ]

[If you try to suggest he immediately brightens when he gets the response, he will deny it forever.]

Don't be angry--I was just returning the favour.

[He only bothered you for half a day. A certain someone did it all day before this, if he remembers correctly.]

[ Merlin, stop being adorable. ]

Well I've not died, and I left a note of forewarning, so really all you're doing is being an annoyance and pining for me in my brief absence.

[ so ha wait shit no shut up ]

I hope you're aware I am skinning that bird when I return.

[Sputter!]

Wha--I was not pining, you prat!

[He scowls at Arthur fiercely. Why did he even bother again?]

And I'm telling Archimedes to peck your fingers if you dare try.

It's been hardly a day and you and your damned bird have given me hardly a moment of silence.

[ p i n i n g. ]

You sent me a sad face.

[Y o u w i s h]

See, now you're just making things up! I sent you a smiling one right after that, didn't I?

[Good thing Arthur isn't actually here. Good grief, he can feel tips of his ears heating up uncomfortably.]

Edited 2012-10-15 11:01 (UTC)

Of course.

[ He rolls his eyes. ]

Are you done now? Or do I have to fear for you actually completing the chores I've given you? I might very well die of shock.

Done with what?

[The shrew look he gives Arthur right then warns him that if he hangs up, Merlin will just continue calling back.]

[ He immediately opens his mouth to say 'pining' again, but thinks better at the last minute and closes it again to shake his head. ]

It's just a few days, Merlin.

I know it is.

[The "and?" is tacked on silently.]

[ Make things easy on him, why don't you. ]

... You've got far more important things to see to at the moment.

[Now an incredulous smile tugs at his lips.]

Did you just imply you're not important?

[ Pffft, another roll of his eyes. ]

I think we're both well aware I'm the most important thing you will ever have in your miserable little life, but as I said, I haven't died.

[ Go be with the other best friend, you twat. ]

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